he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
