this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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