yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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