And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
