I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
