We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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