If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
