We need to rekindle our bromance
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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