The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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