I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
