i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
