Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
