a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh god it's open bar.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
