is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
This is the high leading the old right now
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
