youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
50% drunk capacity currently
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
