sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
