textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
