The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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