i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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