At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
