he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
