Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
