That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
