just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
