Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
