Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Randomize
