The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
