Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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