I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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