Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
