If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
