Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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