Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
