me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
