she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
