I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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