well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
