Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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