Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
