brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
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He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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