i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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