I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
