Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
