my mouth tastes like poor choices
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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