The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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