Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
