When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Just invented taco cereal.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
