U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
