we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
