hell yes lets make some ravioli
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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