sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
