hell yes lets make some ravioli
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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