No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
