This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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