i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
