I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
