I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
