Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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