he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just want to make out with him forever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
