quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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