Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
