this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
