I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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