the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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