you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
