$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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