Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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