3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize