Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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