Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
