im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
