He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
