I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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