im drinking this country out of the recession.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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