you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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